Exploding cows, dragons and 'Buseyisms'
You may have noticed that yesterday was Thanksgiving in the US, which means that Hollywood is today sleeping off a turkey coma rather than producing movie news. But fear not, neophiles! We can today bring you a tiny nugget of news on Piranha 3DD, from the inimitable Gary Busey and the new issue of Empire. Here's what he had to say about his role in the 3D horror sequel.
"I play a farmer. A cow explodes because of its farting ability and out of it come hundreds of piranha, raining down on me. You'll see how I treat one of them."
So that's cleared that up then. Next year he's also planning to release a book called Buseyisms, full of the acronyms he's been creating since 1999. "'NASCAR' stands for Non-Athletic Sport Centred Around Rednecks. 'SOBER' is Son Of a Bitch, Everything's Real'" Etc. He's also due to appear on Celebrity Wife Swap and to work on musical projects and a solo stage show - which you need to read more about in this month's magazine.
A few other tastes of the world according to Busey...
On pelicans: "Don't let them fly over you. When they shit on you, it's like getting napalmed."
On his two year-old son: "The energy of ten wolverines chasing a zebra."
On the UK: "You guys don't have guns - you have sticks and dragons."
But that's not all! Allow us to share with you some classic Busey quotes that didn't make it into the actual article but are still so good we couldn't not share them with you.
His idea for a film: "I’ve got a great one. There’s a guy, he’s a wilderness guy, and he comes in to civilization and tunes into the world news. He learns about the gangs - the Crips and the Bloods and such - and builds a camp for them. Near that part of the woods the wilderness man senses a very negative vibration, and they don’t know what evil lurks there but there is evil. And what happens is at first the Crips and the Bloods start attacking each other, people are getting stabbed, but then the wilderness man comes in and starts taking them on, and there’s no way they can handle him, so he starts teaching them self-defence."
On doing photoshoots: "The thing about taking pictures of me in daylight - you will not see my teeth because I am a vampire with a day pass. You should get some duct tape to cover your neck and you’ll be safe from me."
On weight loss: "A good way to lose weight is to put salt on your ass and go to a petting zoo. But stay away from goats because I’ve seen them fornicate with a mail box."
On his dream role: "I’d like to play you [Empire], in a pornographic movie. In fact, I’m going to direct you in a pornographic movie. You’ll dress up like a woman and have Mr. Corndog [Empire's photographer] come in and inflate your ego. (Pause) You having a good time, Nick [de Semlyen]? I like your style. So authentic and not at all like an interviewer. And I’ve had lots of interviewers. I like the way you’re wiggling your right leg, because that means you’re sublimating some eager energy through that part of your body. I like that. Your dominant arm is your right arm. Your dominant eye is probably your left. That’s what you naturally keep open while you’re shooting a gun."
His suggestion for a follow-up feature: "Bring me over to your country and we’ll do an exclusive interview for Empire magazine where Gary Busey picks several people to make a Buttplug Patrol and we’ll go out at dawn and buttplug some cows."
Piranha 3DD is out next year.
Gary Busey can be heard from at more length in this month's Empire, in an interview that's as close to a must-read as we've ever published.